tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
