He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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