I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
