whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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