I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
