I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
