perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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