I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
then he tried to convert me to islam
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
