i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
