you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
