Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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