he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
