What did we do last night that was yellow?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we're so committed to being not committed
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
