Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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