Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
