i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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