This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
