I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
