Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize