You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
