Need sex. Gaining weight.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
