i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
