Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
