Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
