I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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