the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
