where am i from again
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I AM VODKA MAN
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
