I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
