This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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