Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
