I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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