I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can you bring me the toilet please
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
