I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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