Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
