85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
