So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
