things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
