he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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