I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
