guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
