I am puke
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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