I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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