Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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