are you still at the devil's house?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
