I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
