I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
