How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
