from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
