dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
