thus making me awesome and them whores
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
