i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Terrible idea I love it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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