come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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