i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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