My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
