She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
