It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
