Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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