yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
