He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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