Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
