When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
