Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
