Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
