Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
