It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
