Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
