well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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