I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
