you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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