So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize