People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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