Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
