Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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